The Pigs are Falling….from the Sky!

May 6th, 2009

Or seems the inevitable next headline regarding the swine flu. While this flu does bear resemblances to the devastating Spanish flu of 1918 that killed more than 50 million people worldwide, at this time, it seems to as mild as the common seasonal flu for most. I’m not sure if the surface proteins H1N1 are what have the media so hyped up or if it’s the fact that perfectly healthy young adults seem to have died of this flu in Mexico, but I think the media has gotten a bit out of hand. I agree there is potential for this to be a very nasty flu, as there is with nearly any flu. The flu is a changeling, making it impossible for our immune systems to ever be completely immune because it keeps swapping its genes around like Mr. Potato Head! While it definitely can spread like wildfire, or so says the World Health Organization with its 5 out of 6 pandemic rating, what the media conveniently forgets to mention is that a highly contagious virus doesn’t necessarily mean a highly virulent, or deadly virus. Though, if you think about it from a byline perspective, who wants to write the story, “Completely Benign, Highly Contagious Virus Sweeps the Globe?” That isn’t going to draw many readers or sell many papers.

Working in health care means that I get pelted with swine flu warnings quite constantly. When we arrive at work each day, we have to check in with our supervisor to ensure that we are healthy, and if we’re not, if we’ve had a fever or an unexplained cough with other respiratory symptoms, we’re not to work. This is generally a great idea from a liability standpoint as the last think you want to do at a hospital is to infect your patients, especially if the flu pops in its mean face and mutates into a deadly strain at your facility. In the spirit of taking sensible precautions, I bring you this public service announcement:

Keep your sick kids home from school. Visit www.cdc.gov/h1n1 for more information.

Y por los que hablan espanol:

Si está enfermo no vaya al trabajo o a la escuela, quédese en su casa. Para obtener más información consulte www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/espanol/

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My Sister the Filmmaker!

April 5th, 2009

Heather stayed up all night making a music video and I think it came out really well! Take a look at her new video

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Early Morning Side Effects

March 25th, 2009

OK, so the anxiety over grad school has gotten to the point now where I require drugs to treat it. I spoke with my doctor (Dr. Adams) about managing the anxiety and he put me back on Zoloft (what I was on in 2005 or 2006), albeit at a higher dose (50 mg/day instead of 25 like before). I started taking the junk on Friday (March 20th) and since then, it hasn’t been a lot of fun. I keep getting these hot flashes and feeling jittery, which isn’t great for someone with an anxiety problem. The doctor said these were normal adjustment side effects and that they would go away. Cue MORE side effects at a little after 2 AM this morning (after only 3 hours of sleep, mind you). Yep, palpitations (not many, probably PAC’s/PVC’s) and insomnia. It doesn’t help that all the redesigning in Heather’s room is making it so I can’t breathe. Argh. I’ve called into work and now I’m going to fire up the Roku and watch some Netflix on the couch in hopes THAT will knock me out. If anyone has a better cure for anxiety than this shit, please let me know.

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Allergic Reaction

March 22nd, 2009

This weekend was going pretty much OK until last night. I decided not to go to Burlington so I could switch Heather back into the larger room in preparation for her bringing home a guest for the entire summer. I thought it would be fun to repaint the room (something it has needed for a long time now) and have it nice and neat for when the two of them showed up. Joy-El came down for a change of pace and decided that she would help as well, so between Mom, her, and I, we spent most of the morning and afternoon stripping what wallpaper we could and priming the room. There was so much dust and so many paint fumes despite my attempts at ventilation that Joy-El and I got very congested. We went out to get the colors for the room (a lighter and medium yellow to keep it bright) and everything seemed fine. I made plans to get together with Amanda who was in Hartland for the weekend, and we went back home to have dinner.

After dinner, I still was really congested, and so was Joy-El. Just before going to Amanda’s, I thought I’d take some Benadryl so I could breathe while I was visiting with her (we never managed to plan what we wanted to do besides getting together). That’s where the fun started. I’ve taken Benadryl before and it just made my dust allergy simmer down, but last night, about a minute after taking it, all Hell broke loose. My heart skipped a few beats, my face got hot and as red as a fire engine, and it felt like I had swallowed a column of flame. Shortly after, my lips and tongue started to go numb and I was very shaky (probably from the instant panic of, “OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO DIE!!!”). I went out to tell Mom and she looked a bit concerned, but she didn’t start to panic. Still deciding if I wanted to go to the emergency room or not, I called Amanda to let her know what was happening, and apologized for not being able to make it. Mom said to call the ER to see if they thought I should come in, and to my surprise, they didn’t seem too worried because Benadryl sometimes provokes these symptoms. So, we decided if it got any worse, we’d head to the hospital. Luckily, after an hour or so, I was pretty much fine, but I was still panicky and thanks to the Benadryl, I couldn’t take anything for it. I worried about the symptoms all until I went to bed (and afterward), tossing and turning and not sleeping well at all. At least the stuff is out of my system now so I don’t have to worry about it anymore (the proof is the return of the congestion).

What a night. What a sucky, sucky night.

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One Weekend, Many Opinions

March 16th, 2009

There’s nothing like a big life-altering decision to get you all worked up, especially if you’re as prone to over-excitation as I am. Add to the financial crisis and the vast amounts of money necessary to finance a graduate education, and I things get positively panicked. As a somewhat extroverted person, when I’m stressed by such a decision, I naturally talk with my friends to try to decide the best course of action. Unfortunately, I often know my friends so well that I know what they are going to say before I even ask the question. If you manipulate the answers and advice you get by very selectively asking the right people questions, are you still an extrovert?

The question on my plate, the $1 million question, the one question to rule them all and in the darkness bind them, is whether I should do a master’s of teaching at UVM or a master’s in French at Middlebury. One is safe, far cheaper, much less terrifying, and offers a more straightforward path to a career. The other is magical, a once in a lifetime kind of chance that would challenge me in new and exciting ways and would furnish me with memories to fill a lifetime. The problem is, they are both great, and I’d like to do both, but both internal and external factors preclude that from happening.

As it’s nearly 2AM, this post will need to be very short and therefore incomplete, but suffice it to say that if I were a rich man, I wouldn’t have to make a choice right now. As I am not, as I am in fact quite far from being rich as a fairly recent college-graduate, roadblocks plastered in Andrew Jackson, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, and even George Washington litter my path toward the future. Not only that, but behind many of these barriers lurks a boogeyman who is ready to jump out and scare the pants off of me at any moment, making the journey forward often miserable. With such obstructions to progress, how do I proceed? How do I break through and land on my feet at the end of this segment of the path? How do I avoid getting knocked on my ass by the journey?

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“You Shoulda Been an Actuary”

March 12th, 2009

If you’ve talked to me in the last decade or so, you know that I’ve dreamed of going to live in Paris. I talk about French language and culture all the time, idolizing their witty, nihilistic, existential oeuvres and proselytizing about how fantastic their cooking is while virtually ignoring their flaws or the virtues of other cultures. What can I say? I became enamored with my family’s history when I was young, and since a good portion of that is French, I quickly became enamored with the French. Dear friends, I must make a confession. I should have spilled the beans a little earlier, but you know how hard it is to reveal these deep dark secrets. Good people, the French aren’t perfect. I have to admit that, while I like their language, I sometimes don’t always really understand or agree with the point of view presented in their literature, and while I believe it is ingenious at times, sometimes I find it entirely too serious and emotionally taxing. This is why, when I was really starting to wonder if I could handle a Master’s in French a few years ago, I was so relieved to discover, with the help of Professor André Sénécal, the wonderful literature of Québec. These people don’t take themselves so seriously, and, hallelujah, their books are, in my experience, considerably easier to digest.

Don’t get me wrong; I still love the French (si tu liras ce passage, Julien, sache que je ne crois pas que tu es comme la litérature de ton pays et je parle en généralités, pas de quelqu’un spécifique). I love their language and many aspects of their culture, but I sometimes feel like I pretend to love French culture more than I actually do. I think this might be to be consistent, since I’ve extolled their greatness for so long, or perhaps because, like all love, I’m past the puppy-dog stage and moving into reality. I love chatting with my French penpals and speaking French whenever I can, but as for the books, well, I’m kind of done with them.

As you may have guessed, I’m wondering about how reasonable it is, feeling this way, for me to go to Paris right now. I really would like to go, but I’m wondering if it’s a good idea. After all, what DOES one do with a Master’s in French? I guess I could be a lecturer at a college (woot) or a linguist for one of the federal agencies (that would be cool), or I could write, which would be really nice too (P.S. Meieli, if you read this and have tips for breaking into freelance writing for print or the web, I’d love to hear them). My fear is that I’ll get off the plane freshly back from Paris with my beret nicely lopsided on my head, a long crunchy baguette in each arm, smelling of Jean Paul Gauthier’s new musky fragrance that comes in some hopelessly campy erotic bottle, only to end up with no job prospects. I’ll have tens of thousands of dollars to pay back, to the tune of as much as $500/month, AND I’ll be starting over again. In a FREAKIN’ beret! I’ll have sold all of my furniture since I can’t afford to store it and could use the extra cash, I’ll have sold my car, my movies, and have long since used up any savings for a security deposit on a new apartment, and I’ll need to buy all that stuff back. Besides, unless I miraculously find a job near some of my friends (i.e. in Boston or San Francisco) that uses my degree, I’ll have to find all new roommates!! That’s a lot to ask a person who only has six months before the crippling weight of student loans squashes him into jelly.

After reflecting on this possibility off and on since I was accepted into Middlebury, I thought that the Master’s in Teaching from UVM might be the more stable, fiscally responsible way to go, but thanks to a plethora of irresponsible borrowers, some avaricious shitheads on Wall Street, and the wonderful deregulation-crazy Republicans, it looks like that might not be true. While the federal government isn’t required to balance its books, the states are, and since they pay the teachers’ salaries along with all other state-based services, when their budgets need balancing, they take out the axe and start making cuts. Do you know which programs are cut first from schools? Well, there’s that silly art which makes kids smarter and more creative, along with that music that has been proven to help kids excel, but they also have a thing against foreign language teachers despite most colleges requiring three years of foreign language for admittance. So, isn’t that a kick in the teeth, like fate just bitch slapped me and said “you shoulda been an actuary.”

The long and short of it is that I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I think I know what I NEED to do. In order to make French work, I’m going to have to gamble it all to make it happen. It’s Paris for French or chose a different line of work, baby; those are the options. There’s no conclusion, no neat wrapping up and tying with a bow to this post, but I think that’s appropriate. After all, that’s life, n’est-ce pas?

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Just Quickly

March 10th, 2009

Today just plain sucked. I really need to find a new job, possibly sooner than before I leave for France. I need to win the lottery so I can afford to go to France. I need to get my anxiety under control before it starts ruining my life and keeps me from doing things I’d like to do. I need to stop listening to news about how much the economy sucks because, realistically, I’m going back into college so I’m going to be poor for the next ten years no matter what numbers are flitting across the Wall Street tickers. Besides, when I’m done with my degree, hopefully things will be on the upswing again. I can’t fix the economy, I can only fix myself, so that’s what I’m going to focus on. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the time I start classes at Middlebury to help allay some of my health and image fears, and now, I need to go to bed so I can put a big fat period at the end of this day and start a new one. Crazy stream of consciousness post ended!

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The Story of Stuff

January 30th, 2009

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Watch it now. This is something you need to know!

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Exercise #30: Wilderness

January 18th, 2009

President Molly Bear trotted down the dark path, the many hairs of his silver coat electric with anticipation. The full moon glowed brightly overhead, but tangled pine, oak, and maple arches blotted out the sky and cast heavy shadows ahead. This was Atropa’s domain. The animals called this the “Black Wood” because of the cold and lurking presence of death and the many horrific stories about it passed down through generations. Something moved in the dark with the hint of a whisper and then there was nothing. The president could feel the forest’s awareness of his presence; a slow, slithering consciousness twisting around and through him. It was an unfriendly consciousness. He knew he was not among friends.

He pushed ahead. The dry leaves crackled beneath his hooves, the whisper of death. All around came the moaning and creaking of the trees from some impalpable breeze. Some said these trees could howl like the wolves and that they lured many of the pure creatures here to be devoured with such tricks. Ordinarily, The President wouldn’t have given such ridiculous notions a second thought, but there was something sinister hanging on the air, something thin and bitter that set him on edge. With a flash of pain in his head, The President was on the ground. The darkness was so thick, he had missed a branch and had run into hard enough to raise a welt on his brow. With a great “hmmph” he planted his spindly legs beneath him, and with a searing pain in his left knee, he was back on his feet. He would have to proceed slowly now, because even with his above average sight, his great brown eyes were powerless here. Step, step, branch. Step, step, step, branch. Step, branch. Even ducking his head as low to the ground as he could, nearly dragging his chin on the Earth, he would not be able to penetrate much deeper. His next step crushed something smooth with a delicate pop. Picking up his hoof to his nose, he identified the sweet viscous juice as that of the nightshade berry. Atropa was playing with him, leaving him wicked breadcrumbs straight into the witch’s oven.

“I tire of this game, Atropa: reveal yourself!” he bellowed, shattering the silence into a million tiny echos. There was nothing. “Atropa, this is not a game! You and I both know you have lost your battle, and your petty torments cannot change that now.” He stood there, indignant puffs of breath freezing in the ever cooler night air. This deep in the forest the air had taken on a damp chill which penetrated to The President’s old bones, sending pains all through his rheumatic frame. He jumped as the invisible trees nearest him creaked like a laughing crone, and the oppressive air around him seemed to thin. One tentative step revealed the branches had moved out of his way and that the path before him was clear of obstruction. Two steps later, a faint sweet aroma mixed with the cool air. She was close now. If he got his chance, though such a high dose might kill him, he would snatch Atropa up by her deadly blossoms and grind her to bits between his teeth. He would rid the world of this this wicked witch, even if it was his very last act.

“Why President Molly Bear, how kind of you to come on such short notice.” The cold insincerity of that statement was blanketed by the luscious velvet of her voice. “I was rather expecting you to refuse me at such a late hour, but you are braver than I thought.”

“What is this about?” he barked with unmasked harshness. “I don’t like you hiding where I can’t see you, Atropa. I don’t know what you’re playing at, but this is no way for a queen to comport herself.”

A deep throaty laugh hit the president from all sides. “Is that all that’s got you upset, dear President?” A terrible snapping of wood wrenching and breaking burst forth like thunder, accompanied by the sound of a million leaves shriveling and dropping at the same moment. A moment later, Atropa stood a few yards before him bathed in moonlight. “You know my associates, Thorn Apple and Foxglove.” she said, gesturing to the plants on either side of her. “I have brought you here, dear sir, to appeal to your reason one last time. We have our differences of opinion, that is true, but I dare say that our case has not been given a fair hearing.” The President grunted. “You know as well as I that there is no reason in your law books why your motion should pass, in fact, it seems nearly criminal. Your trick rallying the sheep was cheap and beneath you.” She floated closer without a sound, an imploring expression drawn across the warm inviting canvas of her face. “You are a politician, and you played your hand well. But this is no game; the rights of my people are being trod on like so many of our grassy brethren. I ask you as a good horse, a horse of character and integrity, to repeal the motion. You are a wise horse, you may explain that decision as you will and I will never contradict you. All I ask is that you do what is good and just.” Her blooms glowed a deep crimson; her beauty magnified in the moonlight was perfectly entrancing.

She glided up to his muzzle, and caressed his cheek, gazing deeply into his eyes. His mind was blank. So close, her beauty was ravishing. Hot molten streams of desire welled up in his consciousness and spilled down his back into his loins. His stomach gurgled, his heart beat out a gay march. The moonlight became a sparkling crown on Atropa’s head, giving her the air of an angel. Her gown of leaves split, and her plump black berries, so swollen with juice they bent their stalks deeply. A red mist of nectar issued from her, through his nose and into his soul.

The President shook his head violently. “No! No tricks, witch!” Atropa’s gown snapped shut like the gates of a castle against invasion and her halo fizzled out. “I have done what is right for the people, and your sorcery will not change my mind! If you have only brought me here to charm me, I shall take my leave and see you at the barn tomorrow!” He may not be able to get close enough to rip her from the Earth as he had planned, but he would be damned if her cheap magic was going to get the best of him.

“I’m sorry to hear that, President.” Her charm had dried up and fallen off. She stood before him, not the temptress she had been a few moments ago, but an Amazonian of imposing stature and brutal strength. Her blossoms twisted shut tightly and fell to her sides. Her leaves shot up behind her. She was ready for war. “While I am not surprised I am rather disappointed. I was hoping time would dispatch you from this Earth, but I sometimes find that he cannot be trusted to do things quickly enough, don’t you Thorn Apple?” Thorn Apple stepped forward, brandishing her spiked seed pods, perfectly ghoulish in the cold light. The President started to turn about, only to find the huge trees lining the road had blocked it off in a coarse web of branches and roots. Turning back toward Atropa, his eyes bulging in terror, he muttered, “you wouldn’t, Atropa; you’re not a murderer.”

“Come, President, you must have been expecting this. I find my reputation precedes me.” With one final haunting look, she pitched two berries into his eyes, their juices bursting out and filling them full. Instantly, the world went awash, out of focus, and blazing from the moonlight. A terrible shot of pain came as the spikes of Thorn Berry’s seed pod tore into his flesh and ripped it to shreds. His blood spilled out over his muzzle and onto the forest floor in a steady stream of punctuated plops. There was mad, swirling color of all types as Atropa’s form expanded into the sky, ten times higher than the barn. She towered over him and burst into flame, her wicked laugh exploding in balls of hire. His heart began to slow and a terrible weakness dropped him to his knees. The stream of blood on his face slowed and the forest began to spin. The President felt the cold creeping inside him, stealing his life. Atropa’s cackled took on the aspect of broken glass, hitting him in jagged, piercing waves of pain. “Good night my dear President.” And then there was nothing.

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Exercise #4: Unstable Self

January 18th, 2009

Surely you jest. Atropa brushed back her purple petals delicately with one of her slender roots, giving her blossom a calculated shake as she rolled her eyes. She was beautiful and she knew it well, just in season so her delicate perfume hypnotized the panting dogs, and had the old goat salivating over her plump, heaving, black berries. These slobbering creatures, these weak-minded fools, these flea-ridden animals a shudder ran through her smooth leaves if I can’t convince them with my words, I’ll defeat them by other means. She shifted in her seat, letting her leaves slip open to reveal three more of her shining fruits, embraced by fleshy star-shaped calyxes and rubbed her leaves with slow indulgent strokes, ostensibly to straighten them out though they were already arrayed in a perfect gown about her svelte frame.

The old gray stallion prattled on at the podium, adjusting his spectacles as they slid down his long muzzle after each paragraph. His eyes darted about as he read , inspecting each of his audience members for their reactions. Atropa groaned to herself Gladly I do not wilt from boredom or I should surely be a withered crone when this hooved beast has finished. Two flirtatious glances, three entrancing readjustments of petals, and one furtive signal from Atropa later, the old horse came to the end of his speech, and peered over the rims of his glasses, fixing his gaze on her. “With the stage set, I invite Atropa Belladonna to speak against the motion,” he whinnied, turned from the podium dipping as his venerable knees wobbled, and took his place at the head table.

Atropa stood, ablaze in radiant shadow, and glided like the dark queen she was toward the stage. The rustling of her leaves was velvet music, her symphonic fragrance wafting out underneath their many layers, heightening the lust in the room for the darkly sweet orbs underneath. She mounted the stairs, ensuring her blooms bounced gaily, spilling out some of their dread pollen. As she reached the podium, she drew herself up to her full height, and her majesty was flawless. Her eyes were deep pools of black oblivion. A little spice to taste, a corona of delicate ovate leaves and glorious royal purple blooms sprung up to wreathe her head. The quiet gasp from the audience assured she had the effect she had intended, and with her smile beguiling, she began.

“Ladies and Gentleman of all breeds, I am here today, as you well know, to speak against the motion that would ban me and my fellow plants from using the pronouns ‘he’ and ’she’ formally, instead relegating all pronouns in our regard to ‘it.’” Her smile faded and a her gaze became a cold razor, glinting and terrible. “Speaking for Kingdom Plantae, we find this demeaning and bigoted. As important members of the natural world, we are no longer willing to be treated as second rate.” Now for your hearts“As plants, do we not loyally provide you with the oxygen you breathe and have we not done so for the countless ages? Do we not also bear on our hearty stalks the weight of the entire food chain? Should we be relegated to the same pronoun used for the inanimate and formless just because we are not so easily classified by gender as you are? And for all the grazing of our brethren, for all the harvesting of our fruits, for the giving of our sweet nectars, ” just a glimpse of berry, ” we ask so very little of you but the recognition of our equality. I ask you friends, is this such a terrible price for your very survival?” For it is your very survival that depends upon your actions during our meeting here today.

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